1. The French flight attendant is a unique breed of woman.

2. It ALWAYS pays to travel with a dozen hard boiled eggs, especially if they are still warm and giving off a strong smell. (This is one sure way to make friends with French flight attendants. They will be more than happy to help you discard the shells.)

3. It doesn’t ever make sense to wash your hair before you get on a plane because within minutes it is shellacked in grease.

4. It would be more humane if airplane bathrooms had no mirrors. 

5. Especially if you are on a plane with French flight attendants. (WHERE is their grease?)

6. It makes little to no sense to eat a box of prunes the day before you fly.

7. But it makes even less sense to weigh down your carry on with books you wishfully pack for adolescent boys who seem to be playing video games and watching questionable movies at the same time.

UPDATE: eggs were disposed of in Paris airport after the smell grew intolerable and shells crumbled all over hand luggage. I may never not smell like eggs.